CONTENTS
- Tools for Parenting Teens
- Links to Learn From
- Inside Your Teen's World
- Learn Their Lingo
- A Little Encouragement...And Humor
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SUGAR AND SPICE... WHAT ARE GIRLS REALLY MADE OF
In "Teenage Girls," you'll find advice from counselors and veteran youth workers, along with helpful suggestions on how to minister to teenage girls. In addition to the traditional issues people commonly associate with girls (eating disorders, self-image issues, depression, etc.), author Ginny Olson will guide you through some of the new issues on the rise in girls' lives.
Learn more and purchase "Teenage Girls" here:http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=195
*Save 30% off the retail price of "Teenage Girls" when you purchase it at the YS Store and use coupon code YPNJL1. This offer expires 7/16/08.
=================================1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
In this excerpt from "Teenage Girls," you'll understand a little more about the identity development your daughter is going through, including the role of family in her identity formation.
THE CONTEXTS OF IDENTITY DEVELOPMENT
As an adolescent girl forms her sense of self, it's important to understand that she sees herself not just as one consistent person traveling through the different settings of her life; rather, she has multiple selves that occur in a variety of contexts. She's subconsciously asking identity-searching questions:
- "Who am I as a daughter? As a stepdaughter? As a sister?"
- "Who am I as a friend? As a girlfriend?"
- "Who am I at school in the classroom? In the lunchroom? On the sports field? In the choir room?"
- "Who am I when I'm at church?"
- "Who am I as a second-generation Korean American (or as a Latina, Native American, Black, or White) girl?"
- "Who am I when I'm by myself?"
These are just a few of the contexts that influence the identity of an adolescent girl. They, and several others, are explored in greater depth throughout the rest of the book.
The Context of Family
A girl's family context is the most influential on her identity development. It's here that she wrestles with a dilemma--the desire to please her parents and earn their approval, as well as the desire to be independent and no longer be seen as "our darling baby girl." At the same time her parents are grappling with how to help her develop into an independent adult yet protect her from the real and perceived dangers of adolescence.
It's easy to see that conflict is bound to happen in this pushing-away/pulling-closer context. Parents set rules and boundaries for the safety and well-being of their daughter, and she naturally pushes against those rules and boundaries. Remember, she's developing her capability to think abstractly, and one way she's exercising that competence is to question the rules, as well as the motivation and logic behind them. Sometimes parents feel as though they're living with a lawyer. Every decision they make seems up for debate. However, her social skills usually haven't yet developed enough for her to ask these questions in a gracious manner that might elicit a more positive response from her parents.
In other words, the discussion usually sounds something like this, "We want you home by midnight."
(Defiantly) "Why? None of my friends have to be in that early."
(A more authoritarian parental tone) "We're not your friends' parents, we're yours."
(Louder, more disgusted tone) "You still treat me like a child!" And from there the discussion declines rapidly, ending with the slamming of a door.
The parents are dumbfounded; they believe they've made a reasonable demand in order to keep their child safe. However, their daughter sees her curfew as her parents' lack of trust in her emerging adult judgment. A conflict of opinions, a conflict of power, a conflict of perceived identities: Is she still a child or is she an emerging adult?
This dialogue exemplifies the internal trial-and error she's working through. She's trying on an older identity--the ability to go out with friends and self-determine when it's okay to come home--and testing that identity with her parents. She's also questioning the voice of authority that, previously, she had always assumed was correct. Again, because of her increasing abstract-thinking skills, she's able to look at several sides of an issue and is weighing which one she wants to accept, even if that means disagreeing with her family.
For example, she may have been committed to the same political party as her parents. But now she's reading more newspapers, listening to political debates, exploring issues such as justice and fairness, and she decides she'll back a different political point of view. This can create family conflict if her parents regard her choice as an act of disloyalty. Healthy parents are able to accept this kind of change as their daughter's assertion of her own thoughts and opinions--just another step she's taking toward her identity development. She's now deciding what she believes--not just because someone told her to, but because she explored the options and came to her own conclusions. Hopefully, her parents will see her decision-making process as an identity skill that will serve her well in the future.**
Ginny Olson is co-director of North Park University's Center for Youth Ministry Studies in Chicago. Before teaching undergraduate and seminary students, she was involved in youth ministry for more than 20 years, including serving on staff at Willow Creek Community Church.
Learn more and purchase "Teenage Girls" here:
http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=195
**
2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Family Meals Turn Teenaged Girls Away from Drugs, Alcohol
http://www.canada.com/saskatoonstarphoenix/health/story.html?id=61572397-46c4-4ca3-b562-5b9ac2f8dd8a
3. INSIDE YOUR TEEN'S WORLD
...Random things you may not have heard about...
Teen Crush: Lessons for Jonas Brothers Fans
http://www.newsweek.com/id/142516/page/1
Teens Say Email Just Doesn't Cut It
http://www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=206573
4. LEARN THEIR LINGO
...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- easy = good bye. See "late" or "peace." "I'll see you later. Easy!"
- fish bowl = To fill an enclosed space with marijuana smoke.
- ADBB = All Done Bye Bye (Text message shorthand used in online chat, IM, e-mail, blogs, or newsgroup postings.)
5. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"I think we're seeing in working mothers a change from 'Thank God it's Friday' to 'Thank God it's Monday.' If any working mother has not experienced that feeling, her children are not adolescent."
~ Ann Diehl
*All outside Internet links are here to inform or entertain you...we at YS don't necessarily endorse or support every link you find here.
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God Bless,
Kevin Batson
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